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Below 6 separate essays scored -- at each of the TWE levels 1-6. This study session is designed to familiarize you with what is expected at each level. In the exercise which follows, you will be presented with 6 essays and YOU will need to decide what level each essay has attained.
The suggested order is that you FIRST read and digest the essays below; THEN, proceed to the exercise. This is the method in order to best advance your learning experience through this program.
Today is day 06 of the month and so here is today's batch of 6 multi-leveled essays.6. If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
Score 6.0
Demonstrates clear competence in writing on both the rhetorical and syntactic levels, though it may have occasional errors. A paper in this category
effectively addresses the writing task
is well organized and well developed
uses clearly appropriate details to support a thesis or illustrate ideas
displays consistent facility in the use of language
demonstrates syntactic variety and appropriate word choice
We all know that there is no perfect country in this world of ours. But at the same time, we all know there are things about our country that we would like to change. In considering this question, I thought about what change would have the most dramatic impact on people's lives in my country. The answer that I came up with is a reduction in taxes both for people and businesses.
First, the people in my country have been paying higher and higher taxes in recent years despite the fact that we are in a recession. Lowering the taxes would offer relief to these people, and they could give money back to the economy by buying more consumer products. The increase in the purchasing of products such as furniture, automobiles, appliances, and so on could give my country more economic strength. This in turn could help my country get out of its long ten-year recession.
Second, if taxes are reduced for small and large businesses, they might be more inclined to hire more workers, which means that we could create more jobs in my country. Also, lowering the taxes would increase the company's profits, allowing them to expand their business to international markets.
Finally, giving both people and businesses tax breaks might just be the answer to create the near perfect country in which I have always hoped to live.
Score 5.0
Demonstrates competence in writing on both the rhetorical and syntactic levels, though it will probably have occasional errors. A paper in this category
may address some parts of the task more effectively than others
is generally well organized and developed
uses details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
displays facility in the use of language
demonstrates some syntactic variety and range of vocabulary
Is there any perfect country in the world today? Ask anybody and they would say no. Even my country is not perfect. There is a scope of lots of improvement. Considering the above question, when I think of one important thing that I could change in my country, it would definitely be removing unemployment.
Unemployment is responsible for the high crime rate in the metro cities of my country. As someone has said, an empty mind is a devil's workshop. Young men and women come from small towns to bigger cities to find work. When they don't, they find alternate ways to 'earn' their daily bread. These alternate ways can range from stealing, begging, looting, and more. Giving them employment would divert their mind to useful work that would be directly beneficial to the society.
Removing unemployment would also lead to reduced gaps between the rich and poor. Unemployed men and women are not able to feed their children, cannot send them to schools. Due to their lack of education, these children are not able to find work anywhere when they grow up. Hence this vicious circle continues to indirectly destroy the financial and economic stability of the country.
Finally, unemployment is the cause of unrest in many of the states of my country. For example, take the case of Kashmir, one of the states of my country. Being a Kashmiri, I know that the root cause of this unrest is the unavailability of proper jobs. There are not enough jobs for the educated citizens of this over-populated state. It is the need of the day to give these misdirected young men proper directions so that they can better their lives. This would definitely help in taking my country quite ahead in its path to glory.
Score 4.0
Demonstrates minimal competence in writing on both the rhetorical and syntactic levels.
A paper in this category
addresses the writing topic adequately but may slight parts of the task
is adequately organized and developed
uses some details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
demonstrates adequate but possibly inconsistent facility with syntax and usage
may contain some errors that occasionally obscure meaning
I had the power to change one thing in my country, I would improve the traffic. In Taiwan, there are many problems with traffic that needs to be improved.
First, I would develop the roads. Because our roads, streets, and highways are not wide enough, so it causes many serious traffic jams everyday in Taiwan, especially rush hour. Maybe that's because my country Taiwan is too small and we don't have much space to build. It would be nice if we could have a better way to design our roads. In America most stopways have a right turn or a left turn lane. This helps the traffic so that people donĦĦ |t have to wait so long to make a right or left hand turn. In Taiwan we donĦĦ |t have these turning lanes, so traffic is very heavy. In America the stop sign prevents car wrecks. In Taiwan, the driver rarely stops or slows down when there is no traffic light, so many car accidents happen.
I think our government may have thought about the American traffic system, but they donĦĦ |t want to spend the money. I hope that someday we can have a better system for traffic to help reduce accidents.
Score 3.0
Demonstrates some developing competence in writing, but it remains flawed on either the rhetorical or syntactic level, or both. A paper in this category may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses:
inadequate organization or development
inappropriate or insufficient details to support or illustrate generalizations
a noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms
an accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage
There are many things i like to change about my country . But if iam given a opportunity to change at least one thing about my country would be the corrupt polticians .
I beleive that politicians are the backbones of country , these are the people who are responsible for the development of the country . But today i rarely find any poltician in my country free from any illegal charges . If politicians are irresponsible , what would be the generation of there successor ? Now-a-days the politicians are uneducated , these causes lots of problems .
I would like impose some rules before any person contest for election , should follow these rules . If person elected cannot handle the task he has been assigned , then everything would be in shambles . If proper politician is not choosen then we could many problems , such as poverty , unemployment this leads to increase in crime rate . So i would like to change politician of my country .
I believe that politicians are like "heart" in our body , if it stops functioning properly , then we could face lot of problems.
Score 2.0
Suggests incompetence in writing. A paper in this category is seriously flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses:
serious disorganization or underdevelopment
little or no detail, or irrelevant specifics
serious and frequent errors in sentence structure or usage
serious problems with focus
I would like to change the Japanese public's attitudes about internationalization in Japan. This is one of the most important issues in my country. Japan has became internationalized recently, but we need to do more. Japan is one of the most homogeneous nation in the world. We can't see non-Japanese except bigger cities. So non-Japanese are a little conspicuous. Of course, at school all the students are Japanese. If a Japanese woman marries a non-Japanese man, then there may be some problems.
Score 1.0
Demonstrates incompetence in writing.
A paper in this category
may be incoherent
may be undeveloped
may contain severe and persistent writing errors
My country have too big people and we reduce the people in country. Maybe that one thing change be good for citizns. Perhaps control births in house might be help problem. Govement teach people to limit baby and get education could solve things. So I think reduce people in country be one change I want to make.